dating a man 17 years older

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Article about dating a man 17 years older:
People may judge us
but I think we’re actually a stronger couple because of the conversations about aging we’ve had. April 10
2024
8:40 AM EDT. Skip to table of contents.

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When I published an essay earlier this year about how my fiancГ© and I handle our finances
I expected some “troll” responses. What I didn’t expect
however
was for it to spark a public outcry over the fact that I am engaged to a man 17 years older than me. Instead of seeing a healthy debate about career stages and retirement plans
I sat in front of my laptop watching comment after comment roll in
as my heart began to sink: “Congrats on finding your sugar daddy.” “Being a hospice wife is not a good look.” “Just a woman looking for a daddy figure with a fat wallet.” My personal favorite? Being compared to “those losers on that stupid reality show” — referring to the Bravo hit
“Southern Charm
” which is filmed in Charleston
South Carolina
where I live. Meanwhile
the conversation about finances — which had been my intention in sharing our story — rarely came up. Even the people who could look past a 29-year-old marrying a 46-year-old threw in qualifiers like
“As long as you believe it’s God’s will for you AND both your parents are on board…” The comments immediately made me feel embarrassed
like I was doing something wrong. I was frustrated that so many people felt the need to debate whether our relationship would work out without knowing anything about us besides our ages. I felt particularly guilty about the negative comments that surfaced about my fiancГ©
especially after he had been so supportive of me sharing that piece of our lives with a large audience. Because our friends and family have always been understanding when it came to our relationship
this experience was my first taste of the strong stigma that somehow still perpetuates age-gap relationships
and it wasn’t my last
either. We were remote co-workers when we fell in love. Courtesy Daniel Wilson. Despite living in a time that advocates for relationships that look differently in terms of sexuality
gender
race
religion and even the number of partners involved
it seems to me that we haven’t made the same progress when it comes to age differences in a relationship. In one study
couples in age-gap relationships reported experiencing more social disapproval than those in same-sex or interracial relationships. Some people argue that it’s power and not age that divides the seas on age-gap relationships. Recent movements related to social justice and gender equality like #MeToo have
rightfully so
brought about an increased scrutiny of power dynamics. But there’s a perception that when you combine social and economic power with dating an older man in a male-dominated society
it can leave women like me with even less power. While that may be true in some cases
it’s certainly not in ours. Many people believe there is at least some level of exploitation in these relationships
sometimes calling them “predatory.” And because equality is highly valued by current younger generations
age-gap relationships could become even more taboo in the future. An interesting paradox to this belief is that women usually take the brunt of the criticism. If I date someone who’s significantly older than me
I’m automatically a “gold digger.” If I date someone younger
I’m a “cougar.” While men get targeted for these relationships as well
much of the stigma-fueled language has to do with the woman’s intentions. I chose my fiancé
Collin
on purpose — not because of resources or networks
but because I fell in love with him. And despite the perception that age-gap couples have more trouble relating to one another
we actually have a great deal in common. We both went to music schools in pursuit of becoming songwriters — and we both changed course when we realized how unlikely that was.













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