(!!Flirt!!^) dating a man 14 years older than me

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Article about dating a man 14 years older than me:
Actually
his brother married my sister
which is how we met. That presents its own challenges
but we also have a 14-yearage gap. Our age-gap relationship brought its own challenges
too
although I didn’t really anticipate them when we first started dating.

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Here’s what I wish I knew about age-gap relationships back then. I wish I knew some of my friends weren’t going to be supportive — and that I’d lose some. I was 20 and about to enter mysenior year of collegewhen my husband
Andy
and I first started dating. He was 34. Even though my friends knew he and I had known each other for years
most of them weren’t supportive of our relationship. One so-called friend kept making jokes about how “old” he was. We didn’t stay friends very long. Another friend wasn’t quite so harsh
but she did express her concerns about our age difference. She and I message each other occasionally now
but we’re definitely not close. There was only one friend from high school who was fairly supportive at first
taking trips back to our hometown with me so I could visit Andy. Eventually
though
she and I stopped hanging out as I got more serious about my relationship and spent more time with Andy. Making new friends would be difficult as a couple because we were in different age groups. Part of being in your 20s usually means big changes
such as graduating from college and getting a job in the “real world.” Looking back
I’m sure growing apart from my college friends was just part of life — it wasn’t all because of my relationship. But as I graduated from college and moved in with Andy after about eight months of dating
I quickly realized just how different our friends’ life stages were. My old friends were still working part time or partying (or both) after I moved away from college. Meanwhile
Andy’s friends were in their mid-to-late 30s with stable jobs or farming careers
and most of them had small children. Since I basically had no friends in our area
we would sometimes hang out with Andy’s friends and their spouses on weekends. But that wasn’t fun for me
as they’d all known each other for years and were roughly the same age. Plus
we’d chosen not to have kids. So
I couldn’t — and honestly didn’t want to — relate to their wives’ conversations about the struggles of pregnancy and raising children. They were all nice people
but I just felt really out of place with that group. For a long time
we really didn’t have any shared friends
and that was hard. Age-gap relationships come with some awkward moments. These days
I think our age gap is slightly less noticeable now I’m in my 30s. But when I was 20
and we were first dating
there were some awkward moments due to assumptions from other people. For example
Andy’s cousin’s young child once outright asked if I was Andy’s daughter at a family gathering. Another time
at a local store
some old acquaintance of Andy’s asked some weird questions about how I was doing in school. It took me a minute
but I finally figured out he assumed I was Andy’s daughter. Both situations were awkward — for everyone. I wish I had known earlier that age-gap relationships get better with time. It could have been helpful to know that I’d grow apart from friends
at least in part because of my relationship with an older man. And being prepared not to have many friends for a few years after getting married would have been helpful
too. But I also wish I’d known that our relationship would get even better and stronger over time despite those initial challenges. Today
we’ve found friends that we both like and can relate to. Andy has kept in touch with his friends
and now that their kids are much older
it’s more enjoyable for me to hang out with that group once in a while. And thankfully
no one has asked whether I’m Andy’s daughter in several years. So at 14 years of marriage and counting
I think we’re doing pretty well. Correction: October 22
2023 —An earlier version of this story said the husband was 15 years older.













dating a man 14 years older than me


dating a man 14 years younger than me