dating an older guy while in high school

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Article about dating an older guy while in high school:
Working with teenage girls
there’s a lot of things I worry about because the teenage years are so perplexing
especially with teenage girls who are often searching for a sense of belonging to the point that they are willing to starve themselves
cut themselves out of pain and shame
sleep with boys just to feel wanted
and sadly
even attempt to take their own lives when they feel as if they don’t and will never belong. This search for belonging
often sends teenage girls into unhealthy relationships that further damage their self-esteem and often expose them to other damaging factors such as unprotected sex
drugs
alcohol and violence. During the teenage years
young people are trying to come into their own and often rebel against their parents and other adults
which is why they often chose friends and relationships that their parents disapprove of
including dating older men.

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I hate when I am working with a teenage girl and she tells me she is dating an older man
usually because I know that this relationship
while to her may be idyllic and dreamy
is more often a disaster waiting to happen on so many levels. Recently a client of mine who is 17
started dating a 23 year old man
and while the age difference isn’t drastic
one has to think
what would a 23 year old man who could date anyone 18 and up
want with a 17 year old high school student? Did someone say sex? Of course they had a lot of that
often unprotected
but luckily she never got pregnant although she hasn’t gotten tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. I told her when she initially talked about him pursuing her
his reason was that there aren’t any girls 21 and up that were “cool”
that there just wasn’t something right about a man who should be on the verge of finishing college
dating someone who’s in high school. I told her that had to say something about his motives
personality
etc. but of course she didn’t see this as a red flag
but was instead flattered that someone who could date anyone his age or older
chose to date her. After several months of bliss and sex
he started treating her badly and her moods were very erratic
varied by however they were doing at the moment. If they were good
she was happy
going to class
doing good. If he was ignoring her
she was depressed
missing class
consumed with anxiety. Eventually he left her for a woman his own age and that should have been the end of it
but now she is talking about dating his OLDER brother who is married with a kid
but text messaged her one night at 3Am
“I think you are so sexy
and I’ve been fantasizing about you”
from his wive’s phone nonetheless. Once again
all bad signs
but she’s an emotional
hormonal
vulnerable
teenager trying to belong so she see’s this as another challenge. Why Do Teenage Girls Date Older Men? Some of the reasons include genuine chemistry. Chemistry doesn’t know have rigid age boundaries so there is a chance that there are genuine feelings there. Another reason includes greater financial and physical independence
which for a young teenage girl looking for independence
an escape from her family or surroundings
is very appealing. Also
older men are considered more mature and experienced in all aspects of life which is attractive to a young girl
especially one looking to escape her life. The thing is
teenager girls often don’t realize just how unequal the relationship with an older man usually is. Usually the older man has more power simply from the fact that he is older
and they usually have more money and resources than the teenager or her friends. This takes her out of being equal
especially when it comes to making decisions
and because he is older
she will often get dictated to and assume that he is right or knows best. Also
because he will typically have more money than her and her peers
it will be easy for him to impress her by doing simple things such as taking her to the movies
a fastfood restaurant
picking her up from school or buying her a t-shirt or shoes. Having an older boyfriend also becomes a status symbol
a way for the teenage girl to say that she is already grown-up and part of the adult world. She is no longer a child like her peers. Because of this
it may make it easier for her to start neglecting things like her peers and school work. After all
why should she worry about passing a chemistry test when her boyfriend is worried about paying his rent or losing his job. School and friends may start seeming childish in comparison to her boyfriend’s problems. Teenage girls also often date older men to rebel against their parents
and the more the parents fight against it
the more likely the boyfriend is seen as an allie and will help begin to alienate her from her parents
under-minding their decisions and further breaking apart her support system
while strengthening his hold and isolating her. Consequences of Dating Older Men.