Is it bad to date someone older than you

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Article about is it bad to date someone older than you:
If you're dating someone a lot older than you
you've probably had to deal with friends making jokes
people asking "is that your dad/mum?" or watching strangers raise their eyebrows when you introduce them as your partner. Even though relationships with large age gaps have existed forever
there's still a lot of stigma and taboo that surrounds them. All you have to do is look at the way people write and talk about celebrities
like Billie Eilish (20) right now rumoured to be dating Jesse Ruthford (31)
Florence Pugh (26) recently with Zach Braff (47)
Kim Kardasian (41) and Pete Davidson (2
Harry Styles (2 and Olivia Wilde (3
Yung Gravy (26) with Addison Raye's Mum Sheri Easterling (43)
and Leonardo Dicaprio (47) with anyone under the age of 25.

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When we look at the cultural conversation around relationships with big age gaps
there's usually two main judgements. The first one is the concern that the younger person is being exploited by the older partner
especially when there's money
status
sex and power involved. And the second is that the older partner (usually a man) is dating someone younger (usually a woman) because they value 'youth and beauty' (and therefore contributing to the toxic idea that women are less valuable as they age
aka the backlash against Leonardo DiCaprio or Taylor Swift's All Too Well - 10 minute version ). While there's relationships with large age gaps that are exploitative (which we'll chat about)
dating someone a lot older than you isn't necessarily problematic
and for some people it can actually have a lot of positive benefits. Here's some expert advice on what you need to consider when it comes to your older bae. Does age difference matter in relationships? A lot of people assume that couples who have a large age gap are more likely to have an 'unsuccessful relationship' (whatever that means) but according to Associate Professor Gery Karantzas
from the School of Psychology at Deakin University
age doesn't matter. "The success of a relationship depends on the extent to which partners share similar values
beliefs and goals about their relationship
support each other in achieving personal goals
foster relationship commitment
trust and intimacy
and resolve problems in constructive ways. These factors have little do with age. So the reality is
while an age gap may bring about some challenges for couples
so long as couples work at their relationship
age should be no barrier." So if age doesn't matter in relationships (if it's happy
healthy and consensual) what can cause a couple with a large age gap to break up? It's usually the people around you
making those 'cradle snatcher/cougar/gold digger/daddy/mummy issues' jokes. Societies judgement. As humans
we're social beings
we're hard-wired to form connections
so because there's still a lot of stigma and taboo around couples with large age gaps
if you feel like you're being judged and discriminated against by the people around you
Gery says it's going to have an impact on the relationship. "If you've got huge judgement and huge pressures from those around you
who are supposed to love you dearly
but nevertheless have significant issues around the age gap
it can cause real stress that spills over into the relationship. And if it's not strong enough to weather the storm
the relationship can end." If you feel like you're dealing with some judgement from the people around you right now for your relo
sex and relationship therapist Lauren Bradley recommends sharing with your loved ones how stable and healthy your relationship is. "Talk about the other factors within your relationship that are more important than age
like communication
your ability to fight fair
the strong connection that you have
the shared value system that you have together
all of these things are far more powerful for maintaining a long term relationship than what age you have on your driver's licence". Is there a power imbalance? Since the #MeToo movement
people have been looking at relationships with large age gaps under scrutiny
because we're more aware of exploitation and power at play. So Lauren says if you're with an older partner
it's worth thinking about whether there's a power imbalance. "Sometimes age can come with power and authority and in those circumstances
that can set up a dynamic where you have an unequal and unfair relationship
which can feel coercive
and in some cases somewhat abusive
or a misuse of power." If you're wondering about the power dynamics in your relationship
Lauren says some things to consider are whether you feel any unease within the relationship because "these niggles are what prompt us to check in on how we feel and navigate any potential changes we need." "Perhaps the age difference is creating a power imbalance between who has their needs met most
or who takes the lead on major life decisions. Perhaps you don't feel like you fit with the rest of their life or they don't fit in with yours
leaving you feeling isolated or cut off from your own community and interests." Lauren says its worth asking them what they value about you
and see if it matches up with your own beliefs about yourself and who you want to be within a relationship. "Observe their world and other relationships for cues on whether they establish healthy relationships with other people. If you feel undervalued
disrespected
taken for granted
or used
these cues may be signs you need to explore whether this relationship is authentic and healthy for you or not." Why consent is so important. Maria (F
22) told The Hook Up when she was 16 years old
she met an older guy
Dan (26)
when she went on exchange and was staying at a student dorm. She liked him straight away
and the feelings were mutual. "We were hitting it off
flirting a little bit. And I was like
'wow this is so exciting.' I didn't care about his age. I thought it was cool and found it more appealing that he was older
I thought he was so mature and that he must know so many things." "I had my first sexual experience with him
which I was kind of hesitant about
but I was also like
'okay
it's now or never
it's the perfect moment and he's older
so it just makes it so much better.'" Maria says now that she's older
looking back on her 'relationship' with this guy
she's completely grossed out. "It's so problematic and it's not okay." "I know that you can be very mature for your age
but you're still 15-16 and you're still a minor in most places. You're in a very different stage in your life and somebody older knows that and they can easily take advantage of it." "In the past six years
the way my narrative has changed in the dating scene and power dynamics within it is crazy. There are so many things that I'm not okay with anymore." Not only was Dan taking advantage of Maria
in some states
having sex with her would have been considered illegal. Depending on what state you live in
you can't legally consent to a sexual relationship with someone older
if you're 16-17 years old. So for the older partner it's considered a criminal offence. Which is why it's really important when you're dating or sleeping with someone
and there's a large age gap
it needs to be a legally
and personally consensual relationship. Consent is key
always! When you're at different life stages. Although we might like to believe 'you're as old as you feel'
sometimes your age will reflect what life stage you're at.













is it bad to date someone older than you